Adjustment

One of my favorite things about Australia is that for $2.70, I can get on a tram and go to the beach. And there's ocean, right there! When I left for college, my core group of high school friends gave me a really hard time for being the only one who couldn't "touch ocean". I challenge them to get to a beach faster than I can now! Its really lovely to be able to pack up my homework and take a train to Brighton Beach, and spend the afternoon studying and playing. Getting work done can be a bit difficult, though. :)

I am getting settled in to a routine, though it has been difficult. I think the majority of my trouble is that I don't pack a lunch in the morning, so my midday trek back to my apartment makes leaving to study in the afternoons less appealing. I am trying to figure out what to do about that - I'm a bit lazy and getting up even 15 minutes early to make my lunch sounds like way too much work! It helps that the weather is lovely, so I've been doing some studying outdoors with friends. The school work is much easier than I am used to, though some of that might be the whole I-never-have-to-turn-things-in thing. Its hard to be motivated when my reading doesn't seem to inform my lectures, and my problem sets are for my benefit only. I am doing it (don't worry, mom and dad!) - its just more self guided than I'm used to. I do miss Grinnell in my discussion classes, though some of that might also be the whole 100 level subject problem - the students don't quite know enough to have the type of discussion I've been craving. I do really like my Australia and America discussion class - its the saving grace of my Tuesdays (which are interminable). There are a few students who remind me of Grinnellians, and I love it. (Just don't ask me about how Brittney Spears informs American religious and political life; an Aussie in the class said something about it, and the Americans were so stunned we couldn't even react).

I think the hardest thing about studying abroad is that I am no longer surrounded by Grinnellians. I know that other friends who are abroad, and those who have graduated, are struggling with this as well. Kate and I talked about how utterly terrified we are to leave Grinnell and the community we love. For all we complain about the Grinnell bubble, it has been the first place I've really felt able to be most fully myself, and I miss that here. I censor myself here; I feel like a guest, unable to critique in someone else's home. I tiptoe around things Charlotte says that I would never allow a friend, or even a roommate (back home, at least), to say without some sort of criticism. The ultimate community is fulfilling my need for Grinnellians somewhat - the sport seems to draw intelligent, liberal people like a magnet, but I miss the intellectual atmosphere in the lecture hall and discussion room.

This is not to say that I am unhappy here; far from it. Its an adjustment period, and part of that lovely graph they showed us back in Grinnell about home-sickness and culture shock. But it is hard. I'm pretty solidly independent here, for the first time, and I've gotten past the "wow! Independence!" phase to the "I am so not prepared to be an adult" stage. (Part of that might be the realization as I was writing about making lunch that I do NOT have food for lunch tomorrow). Its a weird double vision thing: even as I am thankful this is just a sort of trial period, I think Melbourne is really cool and I'd love to live here live here - but as a grown-up. I feel like I am constantly looking around, saying "Where are the grown-ups?" and then two seconds later, realising that I am supposed to be an adult. Eek. Thats a terrifying thought for you!

The first photo is Kate and me at Brighton Beach, on the pier there. The second is me, studying at the park at University Square. The third is a shot of Port Philip Bay from the pier at sunset.